Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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