also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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