jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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