it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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