Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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