guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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