Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
