Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
