Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
