i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Two words: blizzard sex
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
