I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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