i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
