i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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