I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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