woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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