the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
