i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Let's paint friendship bongs
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
