btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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