and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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