you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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