So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I deserve this hangover.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
