i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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