awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
