apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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