i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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