I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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