Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
