no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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