Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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