Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
