Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
