he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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