I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
