I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
