wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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