in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
