God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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