That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room