Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
