Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life