You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.