i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same