had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday