We got so high we made milksteak
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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