Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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