My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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