It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sorry my hands just texted you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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