i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
