He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
