you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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