You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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