So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
