More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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