Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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