i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
