Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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