do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
