It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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