It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
