Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
