I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
